DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: A TERRIBLE SOCIETAL MENACE.

For ages domestic violence has been in the forefront of discussions for many communities worldwide. It affects women, men, children and even animal pets in the environment. In the world over, women are mostly the victims of domestic violence, followed by children then men. In some communities, such violence is acceptable and is seen as the norm. So there is nothing like reporting such violence to a credible family member or to an authority. There are various cases where the matter is so grave that the mental, financial, psychological and physical state of the spouse will become an issue. In some severe cases, it becomes a matter of life and death. 

I know of a lady who was married to the man she loved. Everything was fine till it was time to start having children which, under Nigerian setting if not an African thing, as soon as a couple is wedded babies are expected the next day. Of course, preferred sex for the first child would be a boy. 
Anyway, this lady took in and gave birth to a girl, such an adorable cutie. Her husband ‘pardoned’ her for this mistake and life continued. The dreadful beating started after she gave birth to her second child who of course, turned out to be a girl. The husband did not even come to visit her and their baby at the hospital when she was born. After she was discharged from the hospital, she and her mother paid off the hospital bills and made their way home. His behaviour toward her changed so abruptly that she began to wonder who the man she had married had become.

They had visited the best gynaecologists and made wide and extensive consultations on how to conceive and give birth to a baby boy. But as God would have it, girls had always been born. Presently, the couple has four daughters. The woman and her husband live like total strangers. He pounces on her at the slightest provocation and beats the living daylights out of her.
Unfortunately, her condition is such that she is a house wife so there is no tangible source of income. Her meagre savings is nothing to go by so she cannot possibly leave her children behind to escape the nightmare she finds herself in.

Therefore the million naira question is this, why was she not able to conceive and give birth to at least one male child? The simple answer to that question is that neither she nor her husband is God. In fact, science would have us believe that it is the..... the.... what do you doctors call it? yes!the chromosomes. It is these chromosomes in the man that will determine the sex of any baby. The woman is merely a carrier. Therefore in all fairness, these type of men need to attend ante natal classes unfailingly with their wives so that they will learn one or two things about pregnancy . 
There are many instances of women who go through the above ordeal. Some others find themselves in various damning situations and with time, those of them with frail characters become suicidal.

But this does not in any way suggest that it is only women who suffer domestic violence, there are men who are equally being treated badly by the women they call wives. Cases abound where men have received brutal beatings from their wives, some have been locked up and starved of food. Some of the situations include name calling,  holding a man's shirt collars in a choking manner, teaching their children to insult and call the man's names to his face, other cases too numerous to mention abound. If the man reacts in a bid to free himself, the woman cries foul and the world labels the man and men in general as monsters.

The problem with cases of abused men is that much is not heard of the abuses they face from their spouses because they are not voiced out. Perhaps the reason is that men are expected to be strong and always put up a bold front. They are expected to just walk away when a woman is being abusive. He is not expected to complain because he will be laughed at and labelled a spineless man. 
Men in abusive marriages should be encouraged to speak out and let their tales of woe be known so that they can also receive the same help and support that women in abusive marriages receive.
Men cry too and it is ok for them to cry.

All in all, whoever is being abused should be encouraged to speak out and talk to someone. Not just anyone but a trustworthy person.  It relieves depression and can bring about a much needed support.
Going public with the issue will encourage people in similar situations to also speak out.
The public mentality against speaking out, especially when the violence concerns a man, should be discouraged. Relevant authorities should re orient the public mind set and be made to understand that a man is also a human being. The man should not be ridiculed because he came forward with his issues. Campaigns about violence against the man should also be a welcome development just as it is with women undergoing domestic abuse.